The beginning of my modeling portfolio

Yesterday I locked my keys in the house and realized it when I arrived home from work. I didn't panic. Nate wasn't home so I went next door to the landlords who have a spare key. They weren't home, not a big deal. I sat in our little Kia (which we never lock because we hope that someone will steal it and we can collect the insurance money) waiting for Natey-poo to get home. La, la, la what to do while I'm waiting. I was text a message to my sister calling a loser because she was still at work. She didn't respond. So I started playing with the different options on my phone. One of the most fun is of course the camera. I know everyone does it, trying to get the perfect, sexy picture. You know, the one you can "accidentally" post on your Facebook so old boyfriends can see what they're missing. Here's the first pic I took:

Not Facebook material but maybe I'll be the newest Muppet in town. I'll steal Kermy away from Miss Piggy who's kind of let herself go over the years do to Kermit's lack of commitment and his liberal issues with inter-mammal/amphibian relations.

I also recorded myself practicing my American Idol Audition. I'm sorry to my blogging BFF's, I don't know how to download that or I would share it with you. I think it's safe to say that unfortunately I am not going to be America's next Idol (maybe I'll audition for America's Got Talent...yeah, anyone can get on that show).
Right before Nate drove up to save me from my own insanity, I took one last picture of myself trying to get that model look. I was trying to go for the sultry, bedroom eyes and slightly puckered full lips. As I snapped the picture my attention was diverted to a moving object in my peripheral vision. I call it "Beauty and.... what the H#*%@?"


I know, right? What the heck is going on with my eye? I made a mental list of the possible things that could have caused this little photographic "miracle:"
1. Bee sting....in this freezing cold, I don't think so
2. High....ummm...well I didn't have time, I just got home from work...j/k
3. Nate beat me....no, he only beats me with a phone book so it doesn't leave marks
4. I'm just retarded...possibly
5. My eye's always been like this and I just barely noticed....not unheard of
6. The gods punishing me because I'm being so vain....I won't be vain again, I promise

I will no longer take pictures of myself when I'm bored. In fact, this is a lesson I should learn from. Why the heck was I taking retarded pictures of myself when I had a perfectly good book with me? And so my blogging BFF's please learn from me, if you have the option of a self-created phone camera shoot or a book, go with the book. Please for the love of all that's holy, go with the book.