Thursday, February 5, 2015

"I LOVE being a TURTLE!"




One of the many passions that I had during my childhood (and further into my teenage years than I care to confess) was for the 4 bodacious reptiles known as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Perhaps my infatuation stemmed from a yet to be discovered love of Renaissance artists or maybe, just maybe it was simply that they were bad @ss mothers who loved pizza. I mean come on, what red blooded American doesn’t love pizza….pizza and sewers?
I have several pictures that document what I like to call my “Turtle years” in which I have a small stuffed Donatello as my constant companion. I also had numerous TMNT action figures that I kept next to my model horses (see, I was a somewhat normal kid). On more than one Halloween occasion I proudly wore my homemade Michelangelo costume despite the embarrassment of my two younger brothers. It got to the point that my mom had to wait until I was asleep so that she could peel the green sweats and orange facemask off to wash them.   
And best of all was when I convinced my high school Japanese teacher to let me and three other classmates go to Seattle to compete in a Japanese theatrical contest. The rules of the competition stated that we could not have the help of our teacher. We had to write the script for ourselves. I was the ringleader of the group (which would have made me Leonardo).
 What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of Japan…??? Of course, the same thing that I thought of, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My brilliant idea was to take one of the scenes from the TMNT movie and translate it into Japanese. The four of us would be the Ninja Turtles, I of course being Michelangelo since he was the party dude (Hi, my name is Haley and I like to party). Our performance was supposed to be 10 minutes long. There were several problems with this, firstly, we were in first year Japanese. I don’t think we could have stood up in front of the audience and taken 10 minutes to say the few words we even knew in Japanese. Second, we had to have it memorized. Have you ever tried memorizing Japanese? I have, it’s really not as easy as it sounds. So painstakingly we created a script using a Japanese dictionary. We figured we could write the script three days before the performance. Memorize the script two days before the performance and the day of would be the first time we really performed. You see, we wanted it to be raw and in the moment. We soon realized that writing a 10 minute play in Japanese was not going to happen and so we did what any mature high school Japanese students would do. We used the sentences that we did know, still dressed as ninja turtles and added a dance.
I believe our script went something like this:

Michalangelo: Watashiwe na maie Mikey dis (my name is Mikey)
Donatello: Pork rind oshi dis (This pork rind tastes good)
Leonardo: Ohio go sai mas (Good morning)
Ralphael: DAAAAMMMNNN!!!! (Things are not going as I had planned on this lovely evening)

(Que music: “Tequila” begins to play. Ninja Turtles get up and begin to dance in the amazing choreography that their fearless leader, Mikey, has instructed them to dance. And when the song says “tequila” all the Ninja Turtles yell “Ninjitsu”)
We did not win. It’s a shame really, it would have looked good on our college applications.

Besides a little wounded pride, I don’t believe that there are any regrets due to my precious “Turtle years.” There could have been. A tattoo has been the regret of many a young (and old) person. Fortunately my church has advised against getting tattoos, even more fortunate is that I chose to follow this wise council. If I had not, there is a 99.9% chance that on the morn of my 18th birthday I would have snuck out of my house where my parents slept soundly in their beds, their mouths smiling at the thoughts of the perfect, wonderful daughter they had successfully raised into adulthood and I would have driven to the classiest backdoor tattooing establishment I could find where I would have paid the “professional” tattoo artist most of my college tuition to tattoo a full colored face of Michelangelo on my left lower cheeky. And of course to even things out I would have had a portrait of Worf adorning my right side because I like to keep things symmetrical. No regrets…
My sister also caught the TMNT bug. Unfortunately, the doctors did not catch the virus soon enough and she will forever suffer the effects. As far as I know she does not have any tattoos either but that has neither been confirmed nor denied by the afore mentioned sister. Her husband may be able to shed some light but I have yet found the most opportune moment to discuss such matters.
I did eventually grow out of my TMNT phase, mostly, that isn’t to say that when I hear Vanilla Ice singing “Go Ninja, go ninja, go ninja, Go!” I start to tremble and I feel my body start to dance in ways that only a true Ninja Turtle fan could dance. And if by chance I saw a Foot soldier pass me on the street in his covered face, black jumpsuit and red headband I wouldn’t mutter “I know who you are.”  
But as of now, both my cheeky’s are pink and unpainted (though I must confess they aren’t quite what they use to be when I was 18).
The good news is that my 2 year old frequently requests the privilege of watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Our conversation usually goes something like this:

Mommy: Would you like to watch a show?
Boots: I want to watch Inja Turtles! (after which she promptly yells “hi yaaa” and kicks me in the shin)
Touché my little friend…


Sunday, January 13, 2013

Little Bootsie Toots


 Hello to my little blogging world and my dear blogging bff's,
I have a perfectly legitimate explanation for my lapse. She's about 15 lbs and toots...a lot. I am hopelessly in love with my little Bootsie baby. She is so soft and cuddly. She's 5 months old now but I can't remember my life before her...wait, yes I can. I had a lot more sleep and actually sat through a whole meal. But I wouldn't trade her for all the naps in the world.
I love being a mommy more than anything and Nate is such a good daddy. I'm not his #1 girl anymore, I've been dropped down to 2nd place...and I'm ok with that. Below is pictures from the last five months.



Nap time with mommy.
Tummy time. This is also the picture that sparked the  rumors that Legolas (the elf from Lord of the Rings) was Boots' biological father. The rumors have been neither confirmed nor denied.

Sweet baby

Little chunky cheeked baby.

Looking at daddy on his birthday.


Meeting grandpa.

With the cousins on her blessing day.

Modeling for mommy.

Pig wrestlin"!


Pig eatin'!

Happy Halloween!

Mommas little candy corn!

Cousins!

More cousins!

Boots really wanted a hat like Quinns. I didn't have the heart to tell her.

Gobble gobble!

I don't know if she's kissing me or eating me. I'd like to think its slimy kisses.

It's tough being wittle!

Talking to daddy.

Apparently I don't feed my child enough. Them toes sure are good eatin'.

Sick but still rocking out her Christmas dress.

Oh, she suffers.

She doesn't even know why she's crying.

Polka dots are the new "cool."

Chillin' with Broby her bff.

Quinn is sharing his playpen.

Look what I found under the Christmas tree!

Merry Christmas!

I love this baby girl so much. It really doesn't get better than this.

Gettin' ready to slop the hogs and haul some hay in our bibs.


Well, as you can see, life has be great for our little family. We are happy, healthy and together...life is good.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Nipples and Boots


I have recently been told that I have perfect nipples (by a professional lactose consultant). Yes my blogging BFF's, it's true. I'm going to pause for a moment and let you put that image in your mental pipe and smoke it for a minute....................................
I'd never thought about nipples before but when you have a crying, whining baby it sure is a nice weapon to pull out of the mommy arsenal, and I use this weapon often. Don't judge me.

I suppose I should officially announce the arrival of my chubby little baby girl. To make a long story short, after many blurry hours in labor (at which point I did yell at Nate, but he deserved it), and an awesome epidural, my little Bootsy arrived at 8 lbs 8 oz.

Let me tell you about my girl...she likes to cry. She's a big cry baby, literally. She has red/auburn hair, big chunky cheeks, a perfect little doll mouth, long fingers and she looks like a little mini-me. Seriously, this kid doesn't look like Nate at all. I didn't realize my genes were so powerful. I AM ALL POWERFUL!!!! Whoops, did I say that out loud?

Nate says she looks like my dad. I think she looks like my brother.  Either of those are awesome images for me as I look down at her face while she's breastfeeding.

We've already had our first onesie casualty, a moment of silence please. Who came up with the idea of white onesies anyway?

And so I present "The Arrival of Boots":

Week 40, the night I went into labor (and didn't know it)
I'd like to thank Nate for this photo
First time holding my baby (I wasn't able to hold her in the hospital, long story)
Chunky little nakey baby
Wearing her little wife-beater onsie
My little red-headed sweetheart
And so now Nate and I have taken the next step in our life. No more will we be able to watch a complete movie in one sitting. No more sleeping...at all. I've already been pooped on and I didn't throw up. Nate is awesome, especially at night. He is up with Boots more than I am. This baby girl has her daddy wrapped around her cute little finger.

Don't you just want to squeeze those chunky little cheeks? No touchy! Those are mine! And I squeeze them ALL the time

Thursday, August 2, 2012

The best way to promote abstinence....pregnancy!


The best way to promote abstinence is pregnancy. A truer statement has never been said. I know this from personal experience...oh, that's right I haven't shared that little secret to my blogging world. After many years of marriage and a little heartbreak, Nate and I are excited to announce that we are expecting our own little crying machine.

Our nickname for the baby is Boots. Boots is due today...but apparently didn't get the memo. So now we're playing the waiting game. It might be awhile, I still have a baby bum shoved up in my ribs and a little sharp baby heel sticking out of my side. Let me tell you that spicy food, walking or pineapple don't really help. Wait, let me be a little more specific. Pineapple doesn't help start labor, it's awesome for a night of clearing the bowels. I'm also going to add that pineapple is VERY acidic. Enough on that subject.
Baby Boots: Thunder Cat or Whoo from Whooville?
15 Weeks: Fighting back horrible morning sickness.







37 Weeks: Setting up for baby
39 Weeks: Really, Boots? I don't think my belly can take much more.
video
Video of Boots dancing (the biggest movements are around 21 seconds)

People keep staring at my belly and I hear the occasional "Wow, she is big."  I am fortunate that the only thing that has really grown is my belly, that's not to say that my chicken thighs haven't become turkey thighs.

Anyway, I figure that's enough of a news for now. I'll keep you updated as things happen. You're more than welcome to guess the date of arrival.