Friday, March 27, 2009

From the very depths of Hell

Do you see this?

I said, do you see this?

This my blogging BFF's is Satan's most effective temptation; made from in the very depths of Hell from the fires of Mount Doom. Specially formulated to make your booty grow two dress sizes overnight, it is a force to be reckoned with and the cause of much of my despair.
You've heard about the trap that is set in Africa to catch monkeys? There's a box with a hole big enough for a monkey's open hand to reach in. Inside the box is a banana for bait. The monkey reaches in and grabs the banana but can't get it's hand out with it's fist holding onto the banana. Even when the trapper comes to check the trap, the monkey won't let go and is trapped destined to a life of circus . All for a stupid banana. "Dumb monkey." Haley says to herself as she reaches in the cold box to grab a bottle of Meadow Gold chocolate milk which will never leave her hand until every little drop has disappeared down her throat. This is my drug, my heroin.
Do you see what's right to the left of the "M" in milk? What? Nothing? You don't see the 2% either? Satan's tricky that way, he'll make something look innocent and then after you've chugged down your third bottle of the day the 2% shows up. Clever adversary...well done, point for you.
What that pesky little devil doesn't realize is that I have a secret weapon, an angel sent from heaven above...

No, not him. And stop trying to look up his little loincloth!!!

Thanks to Jillian, because of her and "30 Day Shred," not only will I be able to defeat this drug flowing through my veins and puddling up on my bummy-bum- bum, but I'll never feel pain in my arms again. That's right my friends, one work out has left my arms flopping uselessly at my sides.
I look forward to decorating cakes with my toes, anyone need a birthday cake?
Yum Yum!!


gigi said...

I wish my heroin was milk instead of sugar.

I'm not even letting that woman in my house or near my DVD player! Happy Spring.

Colleen Marie said...

I'm just glad that my heroin only comes out once a year. Of course, I've got to go find the little crack peddlers. Luckily, their mothers drive them to the grocery store and drop them off in the morning so they can peddle their narcotics to unsuspecting bypasses. Stupid girl scouts with their stupid thin-mints.

Anonymous said...

If you think that, that milk is good, you should try the BYU Creamery's Cookies n' Cream Milk. Boy o boy. It would end your addiction in a second. You would have a new addiction but, you don't come down here very often so it would not be as big a problem.


Colleen Marie said...

Haley, since you're willing to be my enabler, I will take your cookie recipe.

Prissy & Hero said...

How'd you know I was trying to look up his loin clothe??? J/K

I LOVE chocolate milk too. If you saw my cupboards & fridge you'd know you're in good company. I have: instant breakfast (the chocolate flavor), Nestle Quik, Hershey Syrup, instant hot chocolate, and store bought pre-made chocolate milk. Yes, I am that addicted.

See? Now don't you feel better? I'm good for that. :)

Ali said...

I know!! they never put on the chocolate milk whether it's whole milk or 2% or what not. I guess they figure heroin/milk addicts don't have the right to know what kind of milk they are buying.

Which reminds me of when Hil and I were in Ecuador together, and she would make chocolate banana smoothies and I would make pancakes with this powdered milk. Then one day I read the package and it said "WHOLE MILK". My jaw dropped open and she shrieked "No wonder I keep gaining weight!! My old companion and I used to go through like 2 of these a week!!!"

You'll be happy to know we never used it again. Dang Ecuadorians and their powdered whole milk!!

hil said...

oh, Ali. i remember that very well. i was a newbie when we started and i couldn't read in spanish! i still have the haunches i gained as a result. and Hay-hay, today i bought 30 day shred so that i can do it with you and you can keep me accountable! each of us is going to be a hotty with a naughty body in no time (well actually, in 30 days). i can't start for another week because my in-laws will be here and i'm sure not doing an exercise video in front of my father-in-law! we'll have to go down to San Diego with our hot-bods and see if we can make it into a Girls Gone Wild video.

Washington Cowgirl said...

I don't think I'll make it on the Girls Gone Wild, Hil. I'll be like Kitty on Arrested Development (pre-boob job) they won't even need to put little blue dots on me.