Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Cruel and Unusual Punishment: Part 1

I've been inspired by Aramie's blog to enlighten all my blogger buddies of the many ways to punish your children. I'll divide it into a series because all the trouble I was blamed and punished for will not fit in one segment. Every one of these punishments happened to me whether I deserved them (I never did ) or not.
Thinking up new punishments is fun and creative plus it will make your kids realize that mommy's and daddy's aren't as dumb as they originally though, and the best part is that your kids will turn out as good as I did...

One of my first memories of being punished was when I tattled for something my brother, Captain, did. I ran to my mom with my tongue on fire ready to tell what naughty thing Captain had done. My mom patiently waited for me to finish confessing the sins of my brother (Captain, by the way, was hiding somewhere; thankful his sister was taking care of him) afterwhich I waited to hear what wise decision my mom would make. To my delight she asked me what I thought Captain's punishment would be. Of course I was flattered to be a part of such an important decision. After going through my memories of all the punishments I had endured in my short years, I decided the worst was five good spankings with a wooden spoon.
I happily trotted ahead of my mom to show her the place where Captain was crouched down with his eyes tightly closed. She picked Captain up by his chubby little arm and gave him his punishment, five good whacks with her favorite wooden spoon. I supervised and maybe even counted outloud to make sure every whack was administered to my satisfaction. My brother was in tears, it hurt me more than it hurt him, but he needed to learn... My mom let Captain go and like a snake reached out and grabbed my arm. As I cried out in betrayal, my mother gave my innocent rear-end five identical whacks for tattling.

I don't tattle anymore.

8 comments:

Amanda said...

Sounds like you have some good parents. I can't wait to hear more. Poor lil captain.

Aramie Randall said...

Well, good for you for taking that spanking like a true martyr for the cause! I also enjoyed a little tattling now and then. I remember being put in my room for hitting Hillary and as I tried to tell the story my dad kept hushing me and wouldn't let me get a word in edge-wise. When I was finally let out, I told him that Hillary had hit me too (which was true). Was she punished? Nooooooo. Sweet little Hillary would never hit Aramie! She was far too well-behaved. Tattling on Hillary became my only joy. Unfortunately there really wasn't anything to tell so I gave it up.

gigi said...

How's your arm? How's Primary? Any new callings yet?

I must say that a farm life might bring about more well behaved children. Is your brothers real name Captain? Sorry for your paddling.

The UnMighty said...

I find the old line "You've just made Jesus cry. I hope you're happy" to not be very effective, but very entertaining.

gigi said...

Hey you, have you ever checked out this blog?
http://thepioneerwoman.com/

I bet you would really like it. She is funny and takes some amazing pictures. Let me know if you like it.

Aramie Randall said...

Of course I still love you, Haley! The truth is that my cell phone is the bain of my existence. I hate it. I can't hear what people are saying to me ever. I keep it on vibrate at all times, and if it is not literally in my hand I won't know that anyone has called. I just keep it in case I have an emergency and need to call my daddy to save me. Don't you know that you are the love of my life?!? How could you doubt my undying affection?

hil said...

Haley Beth. you are hilarious. and you totally got what you deserved for tattling! and that's right, Aramie. there WASN'T much to tell, now was there?! and i totally didn't hit her, just for the record. i would never do something so rash. Haley, i didn't get your message until too late to call. i'm sorry! i love you and we need to talk. i can't wait to hear more stories of your parenting skills with your brothers. will you spank your children when they tattle on eachother? you have my permission to spank my child if (when) she tattles on yours. she'll probably be lying anyway...also, i can vouch that Aramie never answers her cell.

Aramie Randall said...

Hello? Is this Haley Judd's blog? Will you please tell Haley that Colonel Mustard called and he wants her to get a clue. It's time for a new post! I love you, I miss you, I hope you guys are doing great!