Monday, June 16, 2008

Memoir: My First Kiss *this story is not for the weak!!

Even the most serious of people smile when they hear the romantic story of my first kiss. I suppose it takes them back to their own youth when life was full of adventure and romance. I know that’s how I was; for me, it began and ended with a kiss…

I didn’t receive my first kiss until I was 18. I had moved in with my grandparents. I loved it; I worked, hung out with friends and of course, dated. I was free from all restraint. My story begins at a singles dance where I met him, he was tall and blonde with beautiful teeth and he drove a convertible, he was like a Ken doll. He and his cousin (who I also ended up dating) invited me to go bowling with them since the dance was less than impressive. Flattered to be in the company of two cute guys, I accepted and had an enjoyable evening. After I beat them both bowling, in a graceful, ladylike manner, Ken-doll asked me to go out with him the following evening. I coolly said yes even though my insides were going crazy, oh yeah, I was a dating maniac.

The next day I began to prep for my date: shower, sing in the shower, dry off, sing in front of the mirror, and on... I don’t remember what I wore or what we even did that evening; nothing was worth remembering after The Kiss. My memory begins with us walking into the atmosphere comparable to Texas Roadhouse or Outback Steakhouse. I don’t know exactly. Being a lady I didn’t order the raw steak and rack of ribs that would have been sooo good, so I settle for a salad (with extra dressing!) and a bottle of good ‘ol root beer. Ken-doll ordered a plate of chili-cheese fries which he offered to share with me but my salad was “more” than enough for me. I don’t have any bad memories of the date so it must have been nice enough. He paid for his chili-cheese fries and my rabbit food and since it was late, he drove me home.

As he walked me to my doorstep, it was about 11:30 pm, I began to dwell on my present VL (virgin lips) condition. I made a decision, it had to stop here. I was 18, it was the perfect night with the moon and clouds casting shadows around us, Ken-doll was as good a guy as anyone. It was time. Maybe it was his first kiss too or maybe he just thought I was easy, anyway, we moved in at the same time. I was on a mission and he was my innocent victim. There was no awkwardness as our lips touched. Fireworks, magic, I could defiantly see why people enjoyed kissing. It’s wasn’t half bad. To make things even more romantic, Ken-doll walked me down to the pond where my grandparents had a little deck with white twinkle lights lit and glowing. We continued our mouth to tongue exploration while the pond reflected the lights and stars. I was enjoying the continuation of my first kiss when I felt Ken-doll’s chest rise. “How romantic” I thought “he’s sighing with pleasure.” No sooner had that thought passed through my mind than his “sigh of pleasure” turned in to a mouth to mouth burp of chili-cheese fries. No, Ken-doll did not pull away, he simply burped into my mouth, hoping I wouldn’t notice, and tried to continue with where he had left off. Oh, hell no, he did not just do that. I pulled away, shocked at what I had just experienced. Was this guy for real?
All of a sudden I realized that he really wasn’t that tall and his hair was starting to show where his blonde roots were growing out, his teeth didn’t look so beautiful when I remembered how they looked with chunks of chili, cheese, and fries stuck in them. And his convertible, well it wasn’t even his, it was his folks.

As calmly as I could I told him it was late and I needed to go to bed. I walked him to his car, he tried to pull me close but I stuck out my right hand and told him not to call me again, I wasn’t looking for a relationship.
The next weekend, I went out with his cousin. He was a good kisser, but nothing did or ever will compare to The Chili-Cheese Fry Kiss-o-Pleasure.


gigi said...

Girlfriend! That nearly made me barf!!!!

All I can say is, "I'm sorry!"

Anonymous said...

Oh, shit! lol ha :)

Campbell said...

Haley, that's disgusting. I'm so sorry! I didn't know you had VL when you moved in with Grandma and Grandpa. Sooooo, who was it??? Ben thinks he knows. But I have to know for sure.

Haley...Nate thinks blogging is silly said...

Wrong grandparents, it was when I moved in with my mom's parents in Oregon. The most horrible thing is, I don't even remember the guys name!!!
PS: Who did Ben think it was?

Ali said...

LOL! Great story!

Aramie Randall said...

NO WAY. NO WAY. You actually had a rootbeer?!?!
Wait, are you saying that it is "gross" to kiss while burping? Since when? I just assumed that you and Nate always kiss like that.
Hee hee hee!

Barney's Friend Chris said...

I laughed out loud on that one. Very funny story!