1. One year my mom decided that she wanted an upside down Christmas tree, just to be different and trendy. My siblings and I were all a little confused because we couldn't see the point of hanging a tree upside down but mom's the boss and we didn't want to be put on the "naughty" list so we forced ourselves to smile and pretend to accept the "trendy" upside down tree. We came home from school one day to a tree hanging from the ceiling, it looked a little sad. Like it was Billy the Tree, the wild outlaw that rode around robbing lumberyards and kidnapping innocent saplings. Billy the Tree had finally been caught while hiding out with the legendary Spruce gang...never mind, I need to focus...the tree was hung, that's all we need to worry about.
My mother neglected to tell us that not was the tree to be upside down, but to completely jump off the traditional train, the tree wasn't a lovely smelling pine tree. It was a prickly, pointy, ouchy holly tree (bush, whatever). There's nothing like small children excited to decorate the Christmas tree but ending up looking like they'd gotten in a fight with a weedwacker. We would lean in to hang our favorite ornaments on the tree and end up needing a blood transfusion.*
Mom and Dad ended up finishing the decorating while we sat quietly so's not to rip and stitches open.
(* The story above has been exaggerated for the entertainment of the readers. No children were injured during the making of this story).
My mother neglected to tell us that not was the tree to be upside down, but to completely jump off the traditional train, the tree wasn't a lovely smelling pine tree. It was a prickly, pointy, ouchy holly tree (bush, whatever). There's nothing like small children excited to decorate the Christmas tree but ending up looking like they'd gotten in a fight with a weedwacker. We would lean in to hang our favorite ornaments on the tree and end up needing a blood transfusion.*
Mom and Dad ended up finishing the decorating while we sat quietly so's not to rip and stitches open.
(* The story above has been exaggerated for the entertainment of the readers. No children were injured during the making of this story).
2. When I was in third or fourth grade my the school was planning a Christmas program. I was originally given the part of a Christmas tree but that was quickly changed when it was discovered that I had one missing front tooth and the second was loose and on it's way out. A letter was sent home to my folks to tell them that I would be performing "All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth" with two other toothless students. Wow, already my talents were beginning present themselves. The only problem was that I only had two weeks until my debut and my tooth was still holding on pretty tight. I would gently wiggle it with my tongue hoping that it would let go and not cause me the trouble my preceding teeth had.
The day before the Christmas Program and my moment in the spotlight, found me in a panic as my tooth was still securely in my mouth. I remember very clearly every detail of the following events. We were waiting in the drive-thru at the bank with a load of dirty clothes to take to the laundry mat. I was in the back seat my hand in my mouth wiggling my tooth. My mom told me to lean up towards her so she could feel how loose the tooth was (she wanted my depute to be successful also because it would catapult me into fame and money, assuring her a comfortable retirement). I told her I didn't want her to touch my tooth because she would pull it out. She promised me she would not pull my tooth out. I trustingly leaned into the front seat and in one fatal motion my mom stuck her thumb behind my loose tooth and flicked her thumb. My tooth went flying through the air, I cried out in betrayal. "You said you wouldn't pull out my tooth!" I yelled. Mom reached back to the dirty clothes and plucked a yucky yellow towel to stop my bleeding mouth. "I didn't pull out your tooth," my mom said " I flicked it." The deceit!
I did perform "All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth" and I did a dang good job, maybe too good a job which would explain why I'm not making millions as an actress...
To be continued.....
The day before the Christmas Program and my moment in the spotlight, found me in a panic as my tooth was still securely in my mouth. I remember very clearly every detail of the following events. We were waiting in the drive-thru at the bank with a load of dirty clothes to take to the laundry mat. I was in the back seat my hand in my mouth wiggling my tooth. My mom told me to lean up towards her so she could feel how loose the tooth was (she wanted my depute to be successful also because it would catapult me into fame and money, assuring her a comfortable retirement). I told her I didn't want her to touch my tooth because she would pull it out. She promised me she would not pull my tooth out. I trustingly leaned into the front seat and in one fatal motion my mom stuck her thumb behind my loose tooth and flicked her thumb. My tooth went flying through the air, I cried out in betrayal. "You said you wouldn't pull out my tooth!" I yelled. Mom reached back to the dirty clothes and plucked a yucky yellow towel to stop my bleeding mouth. "I didn't pull out your tooth," my mom said " I flicked it." The deceit!
I did perform "All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth" and I did a dang good job, maybe too good a job which would explain why I'm not making millions as an actress...
To be continued.....
6 comments:
What a sneaky mother!!
We had a holly tree outside my house in California. Not the most fun tree to climb, I'll tell you that. Also not the best leaves to step on when they are dried and laying on your front lawn. Do NOT stop on them with bare feet. They are like little needles stabbing your feet.
More twisted Childhood stories, please!!!
Gosh, I don't know if I should laugh or cry for you girlfriend! An upside down holly tree??? What was she thinking? What was she smokin? I've heard of being different but HELLO!
My daddy has the same problem your mama has about that tooth pullin stuff. He can't stand it if there is a loose tooth in the house. He's gonna PULL IT!! He has pulled all 5 of his own children's first tooth and all 7 of his grand childrens first tooth. He does it the same way. "Just let me see how loose it is" and before you can even think about it he flips it out of your mouth! It gives him such evil pleasure. I always hated it.
Keep the Christmas excitment coming with more stories of torture and good times!
LOL! That was great! I'm trying an upside down holly bush next year...maybe it'll keep the demon child from breaking 43 ornaments!
I need to defend myself on this one!!!!!
Their is always two sides to a story: Here is mine: Haley's mom~~~~~
Having gone to a beautiful department story I saw a fabulous silver and gold up side down tree in the display window. Since our home at that time was extremely small, but we had very high ceiling, I thought to save a little room it would be nice to hang the tree upside down so that little to no floor space would be taken up with the tree and presents --, etc,. Floor space was a high priced commodity for us at that time.
I wanted a medium sized, pretty, green fur that we could cut from just up the hill not too far from our property----Be it known here and now that I didn't pick out nor cut down that stupid, prickly, ugly hollytree but Haley's very own father, who by the way she gets her story telling from but sometimes as in both persons do not have the facts completely accurate!!!!!( I do love both of them still) I was raised with holly trees and know the pain they can inflict.
Not to hurt Haley's dad's pride or efforts I put that unwanted tree up and I am the one who trimmed it with blood trickling down my arms, hands and fingers. I was most anxious to have Christmas over that year.
As for the tooth---to make the story more complete---Haley had been asking her dad to get it out but didn't like his tactics and so after she all but wiggled it loose herself I did help but it came out very quickly and I have never seen a bigger grin on a little girls face then when she was able to sing the song
Ok, Mom, I apologize. Maybe I did exagerate a teeny bit. And I forgot the detail of dad picking a holly tree for his children to decorate. No more exagerations, cross my heart...
"I need to defend myself on this one!!!!!"
After reading this much..I had to laugh. Totally something my Mom would say! And both stories are equally charming! Your Mom seems like a riot! :-D
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