Monday, January 25, 2010

"Dr." Oz, I curse your name

One day I found myself watching TV, flipping through channels, trying to decide which show was the least painful to watch (I know, I'm pathetic, leave me alone). I paused for a moment on the Dr. Oz show. I swear on all that's holy that I do not watch this show. I can't stand "Dr." Oz. I would as soon punch him as look at him. Anyway, for the short time of my life that I paused, I learned that our bodies don't decipher whether we are hungry or thirsty. I would, at a different time, like to dispute this statement or submit my body for scientific testing since my body knows very well whether I've eaten chocolate cake or drank plain old water.
It was brought up on the show because someone complained that they felt hungry right before bedtime so they ate something but then they would wake up in the middle of the night from hunger pains at which point they would eat some more. "Dr." Oz said to try drinking water before bedtime or if you wake up in the middle of the night. More than likely you were thirsty and not hungry. "Interesting...did you look that up on Ask Jeeves "Dr." Oz? " I thought to myself as I recalled the pre-bedtime munchies that sometimes attacked me when I was at my weakest. I decided to try a little experimenting to see if this worked. The following is a log of my discoveries.
"Dr" Oz's Drinking Experiment: Day 1-
9:45 Starting to feel a little hungry. That's not good, want to be in bed by 10:30.
Light bulb! Drink a nice big glass of water. Feeling good.
9:55 Still a little bit hungry. Maybe I'm really dehydrated, that's not good. Drink another big glass of water.
10:00 Go to the bathroom.
10:03 Brush teeth, wash face and count my new gray hairs.
10:10 Go to the bathroom.
10:13 Say prayers whilst stomach is grumbling from hunger.
10:20 Go to the d@mn bathroom, again.
10:30 Climb into bed and close my eyes to sleep.

I can tell all of you that I didn't not wake up one time in the middle of the night from hunger. Not, once. I did, however, wake up 7 times between 10:30 pm and 6:30 am to relieve my enlarged bladder and each time I muttered a curse to "Dr." Oz praying that certain extremities fall off...after all he is a "Dr." I'm sure he has a brilliant way to reattach whatever needs to be reattached...
PS: There is no more log past day one, I'm never doing this again!


Campbell said...

Haley, you're too funny. If I need a good laugh I know I can just go to your blog.
Whenever I check who updated their blogs I always say a silent pray that you

Tia said...

I have to drink at least 4 glasses of water to not feel hungry. Then my stomach hurts. And then I'm in the bathroom every 5 minutes. I'd rather eat!!

hil said...

the reverse doesn't seem logical either: if you feel thirsty, just eat something. it all sounds like horsecrap to me, so i will take your well hydrated word for it!

Ali said...

The picture of that toilet seriously disturbs me. Probably because when I was a young child and would go camping with my family, my father would tell us that in those outhouses (Which is a code word for "4 walls and a roof built to insulate the smell of the 5 feet of feces below you") lived snakes that would come up and lick your bottom to make you clean after you peed.

My sister didn't use the bathroom for about 4 days one time. Seriously, that toilet will give me nightmares.

Dr. Oz can suck it. Water instead of food? Sounds like the Kate Moss diet. Let's all join!