Friday, February 12, 2010

RIP Nate Judd

Nate likes to pick on me. It's not very nice because of course I never deserve it. I think he likes to pick on me because, well, it stems from a inferiority disordered caused by his good looks and futuristic hair. He lashes out to the ones he loves most so that they don't envy him too much therefore sparking even deeper and harsher feelings of resentment. Oh, and also, it's all his mother's fault. (This is purely the opinion of Haley who is not a psychiatrist, has never studied psychiatry nor does she ever plan on studying the before mentioned profession. Oh, I don't really thing it's his mother's fault).
The other day when Nate was feeling particularly bullish, which included him asking me if I could see into the future with my thick coke bottle glasses and also to quit looking at him so lustfully since my glasses also held x-ray powers.

I finally told him he'd better hope that when he dies I've forgiven him for all his trespasses against me because I would be taking care of his funeral arrangements. I then began to tell him the plans that I would put in motion the moment he breathed his last breath.

First I would order a casket from Costco. I would have purple satin on the inside. Though this one is not purple I do like the Lady Guadalupe decals.

I would make sure to have "Macho Man" by the Village people playing over and over during the viewing with a special musical number of Taylor Swifts "Fifteen" during the actual service.
It would be a closed casket service, actually just the top would be closed. The bottom would be open and since he likes to be nakey so very much he would be buried as naked as the day he was born. And since he has such a cute little tushy I would have him laying on his stomach so that people would remember the best of him.
At this point Nate laughed and suggested that maybe as a sign of love and respect people could slap his rear and tearfully say "Good game Nate, good game." I thought it was a great idea. I would post a sign next to the casket saying:
It's going to be a beautiful funeral. We'll bury him and his gravestone will say:

Here Lies Nate Judd,
Son and husband
Who can see into the
future now, ninja?

I must out live Nate.


Athena said...

The funny thing haley is that you always start things and then say that they started it, I would know because you do it to me all the time. I can see through that innocent face.

Washington Cowgirl said...

Ms. Smith, you are walking a very fine line of truth and lies. You should go to the corner and think about what you've accused me of.

Jason and Britney said...

I want to hear about your funeral plans...

hil said...

is that the real reason you are burying Nate on his stomach? are you hiding something? tell Nate that if he's being buried like that, when i get to the wake i will give him one last chance to do his "disappearing thumb" trick.

Ali said...

Ahh, the famous Judd Disappearing Thumb. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. The person who dies first doesn't get any say in what happens to them. I mean, they can always REQUEST clothes and a Liberace-free (aka no purple) casket, but they really have no guarantee of anything.

I think that this is a great reason for everyone to eat healthy and get lots of exercise. Because if not, who knows what will be done and who will slap your nakey bum while in your purple casket

kanishk said...

I can see through that innocent face.
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