My post title is true. Nate has officially told me that I am no longer allowed to speak to strangers, friends or family.
I don't normally submit so gracefully to Nate but I will make an exception in this case seeing how it deeply involved Nate, our new neighbor and me offering Nate's manhood at the neighbors' disposal.
The following happened, and I am not exaggerating this story in the least bit.
Haley walked next door to the new neighbor to introduce herself.
Door opened by a cute brunette about Haley's age.
Haley: Hi, my name is Haley. I'm your next door neighbor.
Girl: Hi, my name is Kristy.
Haley: If you ever need anything let me know. I'm right next door.
Kristy: Thanks, that's nice of you.
***Please note, before reading the continued conversation, Kristy is single and lives by herself.***
Haley: My husband is Nate. If you ever have any problems with anyone, he has no problem coming over and showing off his manhood.
Silence, long drawn out silence... crickets chirp...
Kristy doesn't say anything, just looks at Haley for a moment then glances uneasily at the house next door. She half expects to see Nate pressed against the window "showing off his manhood."
Haley doesn't realize what the heck she said. She just smiles, waves and walks away.
Kristy doesn't talk to Haley anymore. Kristy doesn't even look at Nate, which Nate didn't understand until Haley related the story to him. That's when Haley was promptly demoted from family spokesperson to mute court jester.
On another note, Nate isn't the perfect little spokesperson either.
Nate and Haley were driving down the road near their house (remember they live in the ghetto).
They notice an interesting woman walking on the sidewalk.
Nate: That lady looks like she's tooting.
Haley: How can you tell?
Haley was seriously perplexed (and somewhat nervous about this gift from the heavens), how could Nate tell if someone was tooting? The lady wasn't walking weird with her cheeks squeezing together, she didn't have a scrunched up look on her face or a look of contentment/relief. How did he know?
Nate: Look at the way she's dressed, you don't think she's prostituting?
Oh, prostituting... Haley didn't know that the lingo on the street for prostituting was tooting. Well, good to know. Hope that everyone has learned something today.
I've learned that neither Nate or I should be allowed out in public without adult supervision. Any volunteers?