Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Haley's Top Ten Fashion BooBoo's

Nate thinks I've suffered irreparable damage when it comes to my sense of fashion. I'd like to defend myself on the subject but unfortunately my track record really isn't that great. How much I would like to explain myself to my very understanding blogging buddies because heaven knows I've tried to justify my fashion choices to Natey to no avail. In fact, as far as I know, Nate doesn't know about my "style" except the top three items on my BooBoo list. By the way, if you attended our wedding reception he would have sweetly pointed out the picture of me proudly holding my certificate of completion from DARE while wearing by DARE t-shirt, my huge coke bottle glasses covering most of my face and my bowl haircut combed perfectly without a hair out of place.

Look Nathan, I'm proud to be a DARE graduate and if you can't be happy for me, well, you're just jealous of my accomplishments...

I've made a list of the top ten fashion BooBoo's of my youth. My current fashion BooBoo's will have to saved for another blog. I have included my justification of why I wore what I wore (I realize those justifications will more than likely fall on deaf ears).

So without further adieu, may I present a list that will terrify those who have not formerly met me and completely change the way my intimate acquaintances think of me:

Haley's Top Ten Fashion BooBoo's
1- Bowl Hair Cut
Justification: Wow, maybe I should just let people wonder why...in truth (I couldn't lie to my blogging BFF's) I wasn't very good at brushing my hair. I had a bowl haircut until I was in middle school because I had a weekly date with a brush which I didn't usually make. I'd like to apologize to my sister, because of my lack of hair care, she too was blessed with a bowl hair cut for as long as I can remember.

2- DARE T-shirt
Justification: In sixth grade I was a proud DARE graduate, not only did we get a certificate of completion, a DARE bear and a bag full of DARE pencils but we also receive a DARE t-shirt. I had to represent. How many people out there can brag to be a DARE graduate? Nate, hey Nate, are you a DARE graduate? That's what I thought...

3- Coke Bottle Glasses
Justification: I don't see a reason to justify wearing glasses that are powerful enough to see into the future and double as x-ray specs. Yes, I could have bypassed the bright blue frames with little plastic bows on the edges and the pink shiny heart frames might be a little over the edge but give me a break, I couldn't even see them when I picked them out.

4- Suspenders
Justification: I was at a very special time in my life when I felt that I needed to accessorize with suspenders. The saddest part about this is that I didn't even wear them the way suspenders should be properly worn. Ducky would have been embarrassed for me. I slipped my belt through my belt loops and clipped my suspenders on and promptly let them hang from my pants. (Hello??? Do I have any friends left in this cruel unforgiving world?)

5- Overalls
Justification: In my defense, overalls were kind of in style (I grew up in a dairy and lumber community, of course they were in style). My overalls were a little on the high-water side which was not that cool but the real problem was that I barely tipped the scale at 100 lbs so it was fairly common for me to be walking down the hallway at school to be in mid step and find myself hanging from the arm of some big punk who grabbed the back of my overalls and picked me up like a bag of potatoes. I hung there like a slug, it was my only defense (name that movie). I'll never wear overalls again, just thinking of it makes my cheekies squeeze together as I remember hanging at the mercy of a bully while my underwear did little to prevent the denim from lodging itself...anyway.

6- Tie-dye Spandex Pants
Justification: I don't know where the heck those things came from. I just know I loved them. They fit me like they were made for me (come on, they were spandex they would have fit anyone). They were black, neon green, hot pink, bright yellow and I'm pretty sure there was some orange in the mix. With there being such a variety of color in those pants from the gods, I could wear them with anything. And I did, I wore them with everything...
T-shirt and shorts with my spandex pants underneath. Bright orange dress, match it up with my spandex pants since they had orange in them. I could even wear them by themselves with my orange jelly shoes.
To my despair I wore them one wintry afternoon of sledding and they ripped, they left me.

7- Bright Maroon/Pink Sweat Pants
Justification: I'm not sure exactly how to describe these favorite sweat pants. They were so rare a color that I never found anything that would match them. So I just wore whatever was clean. A favorite match up was a bright green t-shirt with lighter green swirls on it (this shirt was also great for my spandex pants). These pants were a my first choice when I went horseback riding, I don't know why because the pant legs always pulled out of my boots and rode up my leg leaving it bare and at the mercy of rubbing against the leather of the saddle. I guess I just wanted to be smart about riding out in the woods, those pants probably saved me from being mistakenly shot by hunters more times than I'll ever know. Thank you bright maroon/pink sweat pants, thank you.

8- Plaid Flannel Button up Shirts
Justification: Like I mentioned previously, I did grow up in a lumber community. I myself didn't work as a lumberjack, in fact I'm terrified of heights and the one time I did climb a tree (I wasn't even wearing a flannel shirt) my knight in shining armor (aka Dad ) had to climb up and convince me that it was getting dark and I didn't want to stay up in the tree all night with the "things that eat the bears." (that story to come)
Anyway, my flannel shirt collection was impressive and so in my mind I figured I had a flannel for every occasion. Casual red plaid flannel that I somehow convinced myself looked good with my bright maroon/pink sweatpants, dark green flannel that I threw on over a lighter green dress, my blue flannel for special occasions (prom, homecoming etc..). Just kidding; I never wore a flannel for any dances.
Did I mention that I didn't button them up? I just let them flow, I thought buttoning them up was a little fashion no-no. Glad I was aware of those sort of things...

9- Boxer Shorts
Justification: I know what you're thinking "What could she possibly do that is so horrible with boxer shorts?" Oh, my friends, you underestimate me. I had a couple cheap pairs of boxer shorts and a dingy yellow pair of soccer shorts (no I never played soccer) that I wore....I'm so embarrassed to admit this...Nate, forgive me...I put them on underneath any kind of shirt or dress that I wore. This did include a prom I was invited to (my apologizes to John Towers). In my immature mind, here is the reason behind wearing shorts with every blasted skirt: I wanted to be modest in case I ended up getting in some kind of wrestling match. I didn't want everyone to get a glimpse of my underdrawers or worse yet, my hiney.
I know what you're all thinking, Nate I agree with everyone else, you've made a huge mistake.

10- Bandanna
Justification: I never had to worry about getting shot by a rival gang member because of my bandannas. I don't think the infamous Tutt-Frutti gang operated in Sedro-Woolley so I wasn't in any danger of my very bright purple bandanna being recognized. I might have even received undeserved respect from the community because of my camo bandanna misrepresenting my service in the military. I wore my precious bandannas while my hair was in a pony tail, two braids or my personal favorite lots of little braids. It's amazing how well a neon green bandanna works with a green dress layered with a darker green plaid flannel button up shirt (that's not buttoned up). You wouldn't think so until to tried it yourself.

And so my ex-blogging BFF's, as you recover from the shock of what I once was, as you now understand a little bit more why the majority of my wardrobe consists of jeans and cowboy boots, as you make a decision whether you'll erase any hard proof that you know me, just remember the honesty of one, Haley Judd.

9 comments:

Ali said...

I will never leave you, e-BFF, as long as you continue with posts like this. I laughed so hard, there's a little hot chocolate on my keyboard.

So in the interest of full disclosure, I'm going to let you know about a choice few of my phases.

1. The bun phase: Just when I moved to a new town, hit puberty, and started a new junior high school. I decided RIGHT THEN was the time to start wearing my hair in a bun EVERY SINGLE DAY. I'm not talking a low loose bun. I'm talking a slicked sides, roll of hair on top of the head,something that looked like I was wearing a doughnut hat thing. Basically, I looked like a 12 year old mean librarian without the tweed dress suit. The horror.

2.The slip as a skirt phase. In my defense I only did this a few times. But I was in college, so I was older so I really have no justification. It horrified my prude roommates. But you must know the slip was #1 cute, #2 knee length and #3 black. Ask Judd (Hil) She's seen it.

3. I TOTALLY wore the lose plaid shirt too? Is it a logging town thing? A pacific Northwest thing? A cruel trick of letting girls pick out their own outfits thing? Oh My Gosh!! My fav was my blue and black plaid. It was horrific. I don't want to remember it.

4. And finally, My favorite, the "bangs" phase. See I have naturally curly hair, but I didn't know it (or didn't fully embrace it) until my freshman year in college. This meant that ALLL through high school, I would straighten my bangs and turn them into a nice little log of poof on my forehead. Buy the time I drove to school, parked my car and walked the 1.5 blocks to get inside, the rain (let's face it, it's ALWAYS raining in the coastal pacific north west) had turned my perfect little hair log into 3 piggy tail ringlets on my forehead. And I dealt with them the whole rest of the day. You would think I would've learned my lesson after several years of this and grown out my bangs. Alas, fashion, much like common sense, has never been my thing.

And finally, to answer your question in #5, That would be "A Christmas Story". My family's all time favorite movie. I love that they play it for 24 hours on the 24th. It is only because of this movie that my family eats Chinese food on Christmas Eve. It's tradition.

Rabidparadise said...

I matched you 7 of 10. You shouldn't feel too bad, and personally think coke bottle glasses on little girls is friggin' adorable!

Jocelyn said...

I loved your coke bottle glasses you wore on those late nights. The first time I saw them, they were like your superhero weakness, and I knew I could be your friend. Because all superheros must have a weakness.

I'm not so guilty in the fashion department as you. I had a bob for a short time, but I've never had a hairdo that required an electric shaver. I was guilty of the flannel shirt (I think all girls wore one at least once in the 90s). I even raided my dad's closet a time or two! I blame it all on "My So-Called Life," making us think we could look as cute as Claire Danes if we donned overalls and flannel.

There's nothing wrong with a bandanna! I still wear one when I go hiking sometimes. They're great for covering up an untamed mane after standing under a waterfall. Plus, you look good with your little braids sticking out from under your bandanna. Don't be ashamed!

But, Haley, you forgot the most important boo boo of all: plastic pants. But, I guess those don't really count since it was Halloween. We were smokin' hot, though. I'll have to get Grant to scan those pictures sometime.

Washington Cowgirl said...

Thanks Joce, as if I haven't completely humiliated myself and my family enough. You had to bring up the pleather pants. You are a true friend...

Jocelyn said...

At least yours were actual pleather. Mine were pure plastic-- no breathing room there, I had sweat dripping out of the legs all night long!

You think you're humiliated now, wait until I get to post some pictures! Don't be ashamed. We were smokin' hot!

hil said...

hey, i have an incriminating photo of your beloved in pleather pants, so no worries! i laughed so hard at your list! it takes a special girl to admit to her fashion past. i know i never will! mine is way more horrifying than is yours. you sounded cool to me! and i had a D.A.R.E. shirt, too! i saw that picture at your reception and i asked Nate who it was. he said, "shhh! that's Haley." man, i love your guts! i can't wait for you guys to get here. we are so watching a Christmas Story and making crafts and it is going to be awesome.

Ali said...

Oh, and I have a D.A.R.E. shirt too. I remember when we had the "D.A.R.E. graduation" and we had to sing a song. I believe we did a stirring rendition of "Wind Beneath my Wings." I was quite moved.

Oh, and I tagged you on my blog. You can do it, or not. But it's there.

Thanks again for not hating me for stalking you!!

Aramie Randall said...

As I shed a tear, I must admit that neither Nate nor I were DARE graduates. Hillary was. Nate and I went to the school of hard knocks, and the DARE officer didn't visit there. It was a cold, lonely world, completely devoid of positive role models who "just say no."
As for your fashion faux paus- I had a bowl cut, huge blue rimmed glasses, spandex pants under my shorts, and yes- overalls. I remember a time when it was cool to leave one of the straps unbuckled. I also had pleather pants! Your husband wore them more than I did though. They looked awesome with his Zorro mask and midriff top!

The Cinderella Life said...

Haley,
When I saw that picture of you at your reception I thought it was a little old lady. Sorry. Listen, Nate had plenty of fashion missteps growing up but most of them were probably due to our extreme poverty.
The embarrassing item of clothing I remember wearing when I was in 5th or 6th grade was a pair of fishnet stocking tights.I felt so cool in them. The were the only pair I had and I wore them way too long. I am sure they had such big holes in them that even I was embarrassed to wear them after a while. Also, white lipstick, in jr high. I also wore little bells on the laces of my white tennis shoes because it was in style in my jr high in 1968 in Compton, Calif.I am sure I make fashion mistakes all of the time now but I just don't care or my kids are too kind to tell me. Love You!