"What if they don't like me?" I ventured to myself "Of course they'll like me, just remember not to...not to what?" My mind went blank, what should or shouldn't I do. I need to make a good impression. I was going to marry their precious baby and they needed to be assured that I was the best girl for him. Gulp...please don't let me have to cook for them, I don't think my famous, well, I don't have anything famous.
My mind began to play tricks on me:
I could see my mother-in-law towering over me with clipboard in hand and a grading sheet as she critiqued my cooking, cleaning, laundry and the ease in which I changed a poopie diaper. "That's how you fold clean clothes?" she would say to me "interesting. I'm sorry, Nate only likes his underwear folded with the superman logo on top. You fail, thanks for trying to marry our son. You can reapply in 18 months."
His brothers and brother-in-law,their sweaters flawlessly tied around their shoulders, would say it was nice to meet me but then pull Nate aside and advise against us getting married "Sure, her booty is nice now but after a kid or two...that thing will mutate into 'the blob." Nate would look back at me and notice that my rear had already grown at least a size since we first met.
The sisters and sister-in-law would smile and hug me, careful not to mess up their perfect salon hair and newly manicured nails. Mentally at first and then later on to each other they would talk about Nate's last girlfriend and how they liked her much better. Casually they would walk up to Nate and ask if he's seen "old what's her name" she had returned from a shoot in Paris and had just finished her masters degree.
Nate's' dad would salute me in his starched uniform and begin to interrogate me. "What is your intentions with my son?" I would stammer something incoherent like "Um, well, he asked me to marry him, so I guess my intentions would be to marry him...?" *
As you can see, I had every right to be worried. And so, I decided that I needed to take a stand. I would have to show them that I was right for Nate, and right away. But how? The opportunity arose at dinner the first night after our arrival. As everyone was finished eating in the living room, I walked my plate to the sink and noticed that there was a nozzle to help rinse off dishes in the sink. You know, those ones that you squeeze the trigger, you can pull it out of the sink and spray off bigger dishes and get better angles.
A old trick of my dad's popped in my head as I quietly looked through drawers until I found a rubber band. I figured one of Nate's brothers would be finished eating next and so he would be the victim of my plan to help with my acceptance into the Judd family. I rinsed off my plate, turned off the water and then wrapped the rubber band around the trigger with the nozzle facing right where the first person to turn on the water would be standing.
To my delight, Nate's brother, Dustin, finished and went to the kitchen. I leaned over just in time to see him jump to the side. The spray had only got on his sweats a little bit. Darn it, I thought to myself, so much for that idea. It was at that point that I figured Dustin had taken off the rubber band so no one else would get sprayed.
My future father-in-law was next to stand up, everything slowed down as I glanced at the sink in horror and realized that Dustin had left the rubber band on the nozzle. I wanted to yell for him to stop but Dustin caught my eye and motioned for me to keep silent. Big Bob Judd turned on the sink but all his law enforcement training was not enough to save him from the spray of water that soaked his shirt. He did think quickly on his feet and was only sprayed for a few seconds before he collected himself enough to turn off the sink.
I would like to apologize but the whole event was too hilarious for formalities. Nate's dad looked at me and at that moment I became a member of the Judd family.
And so, that is how I bonded with my in-laws. My first meeting with all of them was wonderful, and every meeting after has been better and better. I like 'em, I think I'll keep them.
As a side note, just for funnsies I typed in Robert Judd in the google image search. The following is one of the first pictures that popped up. I think this is my father-in-law back when he was a model, I have no proof but I have my suspicions:
*Just for the record, none of them were like the monsters imagined in my crazy mind. Everyone was really nice and I have the best in-laws a girl could ask for.