Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Here it is folks, the cure-all for anything that ails ya'

The Japanese have wasabi...
The Koreans have kimchi...
The Chinese have ginseng...
The Ecuadorians have lemons...
The Irish have beer...

These countries all claim to have the cure-all for any disease known to man. "A slice of lemon on your forehead will cure a headache." "A pint of bear will make all your troubles go away (that one might work...)" "Kimichi will clean out your sinuses." You get where I'm going with this.
Well, I would like to join in the ranks of these great civilizations by introducing what I consider to be my cure-all.
The Cornbag! Ta Da!! What? No applause? Oh, I see, you don't believe me. I have to prove to you that this will cure anything that ails ya'?

As a side note...
I was once told that exfoliating was a woman's cure all. A 19 year old Elder from my mission told me this after he epilated* his thighs. He called me in extreme agony as ingrown hairs started to cause red bumps to his chicken legs. I told him the best thing for him to do was soak in a warm tub and exfoliate. Was I wrong to suggest that? After all, he was the fool that epilated his thighs (gross, I just had a mental image of his thighs). After I told him to exfoliate he yelled at me "EXFOLIATE? Is that your cure for everything? Oh, I have cramps, I know, I'll exfoliate. Look at me, I'm in labor, just exfoliate and that kid will pop right out." Obviously he was in pain and didn't know what he was saying, it built character, now he knows some of the pains of womanhood.

Back to the Cornbag...Seriously, if my house was on fire and I could only save one thing, it would be my cornbag. I would run out the door bare-bum nakey as long as I had my cornbag.
Those who don't know what a cornbag is, let me explain and watch you become a cornbagger as well. They're so simple, all you do is sew clothe (flannel is nice and soft) just like you would a pillow, then you buy some feed corn at your local feed and grain store (usually comes in 50 lb bags for about $10.00), sew the bag completely up, stick in the microwave for about 3 min and enjoy the warmth on your cold little tootsies. Make sure you use feed corn which has been treated and won't turn your cornbag into a glorified movie snack (popcorn).
Natey-poo wasn't a fan at first, actually, he's a closet cornbagger. In the daylight, he looks just like any red-blooded man but at night when it's dark and the heat is down, you won't hear him complain when I slip a warm cornbag under his blanket.
Have cold toes? Cornbag will fix that. Cramps, yes, the amazing cornbag is the answer. Bruise, sprain, pulled muscle, kinked neck, hemeroid (the cornbag has never been tested on hemeroids but a hot kernel of corn in the booty is sure to clear it right up).
I know, you're thinking "Haley's lost her stinkin' mind." But I haven't, I'm not crazy. And just to prove to you that I'm not loco, I'm going to give away a homemade cornbag. Two things are required to enter the "Great Cornbag Giveaway." First requirement, if your house was on fire, what would be the one thing you would save? Second, the winner or the cornbag must promise to tell about their cornbag experience either on their own blog or in my comments section. Deal? Ok, just leave your answer on my comments and I'll pick a random winner out of Nate's hat. Giveaway will end next Wed. the 28th at 5:00 PM.

9 comments:

Ali said...

I WANT A CORN BAG!!! My roommate Beth had one in college and I would steal it sometimes. We could really use one around here what with it being so cold and us being too poor to turn on the heat.

CORN BAG! CORN BAG! CORN BAG!

I promise I will write vignettes about it and grab it when my house is burning down. DEAL.

Leslie Anne said...

Sorry Haley, i've tried them and while they are wonderful if my house was on fire and i could only save one thing it would be Harvey.

Still though they are great and i will have to make us some when we return to IL.

gigi said...

I would save my pictures and my scriptures because they are so well marked that they make me look like a genius when I use them! (10 years of teaching early morning Seminary will do that for ya) And oh yes I promise to sing the 'cornbag praises'

Athena said...

I Love You

hil said...

see ya, Darby and Frank. me and this cornbag are hittin' the road! i've heard of these fabulous bags of corn, but because i live in Arizona, i was never the recipient of such love. i must say that i wonder what the "he doesn't mind if i slip a corn bag under the blanket" really means...Haley, keep your bedroom tales private---they are a sacred matter!

Jocelyn said...

Oh! So that's what they are! Thanks for explaining! I have the same type of thing, but filled with rice. Add a little lavender to that rice, and it's heavenly! But I would give your corn bag a try. (Rig the drawing for me, Nate!)

If my house was on fire (and if we're excluding kids from the rescue list as they are assumed), I would have to save my photo files. I just don't know what I'd do if I lost all my photos of my sweet babies-- although maybe I'd get them off my blog.

The Cinderella Life said...

I am the proud owner of a handmade corn bag from lovely Haley Beth. It is heavenly.
I will exclude myself from your drawing but will tell you that if my house was on fire I would grab all 5 of my children baby books and the photo albums. Plus I'd hook my arm through my purse handles on the way outside. My purse has everything but the kitchen sink in it.

Gayle said...

I Wouldn't necessarily save the cornbag but the ricebag (with Cinnamon)is safely in the drawer. I guess here in AZ I look for things a little cooler. It does come in handy when I had a sore neck. Haley you are so cute!

Prissy & Hero said...

You know you want to send one to Oregon, right? Count me in!