We can talk to each other about everything, right my dear blogging BFFs? I mean, I spared no details about the Great Valentines Disaster of 2009. You laughed and cried with me as I attempted my own Photoshoot and you stuck by me as I went through my Trekkie Rehab. My thanks to all of you as you've loved me for better or worse.
There's a chance that I might cross the sharing boundaries in this particular blog. But it makes for a funny story and I can never pass up telling you all a funny story.
This last year of my life has been very stressful. Work, finances, church and life have been at times more than I can bare. For this reason my body has been rebelling like a colt to a bit. My face which has usually been clear and zit free has decided to make me pay for my worry free teenage years by exploding into an artistic masterpiece of irritation. My right eye now has a permanent twitch which gets especially bad when I hear my bosses nasally voice. And lastly my uterus has become...umm...well it just doesn't really do anything right now (I told you I was giving out a lot of information).
A hibernating uterus was fine at first, what woman doesn't mind missing a period? But it had been going on a year which was a little concerning.
So I excitedly skipped to my OBGYN's office, happy as always to be there. My OBGYN is a really nice guy but he makes me a little uncomfortable because he has a big burly beard (like my dad has) and because every time I see him he brings up the fact that my husband is from New York and asks me how my in-laws are doing since they still live there. So as I'm trying not to make eye contact in the southern region I'm telling him about my father-in-law in the border patrol.
I had to fake a look of disappointment when I found out that my appointment was canceled. "Hip-hip Hooray!!!!" I screamed inside my head, even though I wasted a good bikini-line shave. I ended up talking to his nurse who eventually prescribed me with estrogen pills because my body may not be producing the estrogen it needs. I happily accepted what could be worse than the the stirrups-o-humiliation?
The following is a journal of the 10 days I took my estrogen pills:
Day 1- I have nothing to report on this day. What did I expect? Don't really expect much, what the heck can a little estrogen do?
Day2- Still nothing really exciting going on with my uterus. I think I'm getting cramps but realized it's just the burrito I had for lunch
Day 3- Nate goes to work, I cry. Watch Cops alone, I cry. Think of Nate at work, I cry.
Day 4- Major cramps, I curse the makers of estrogen, I cry. Nate leaves for work, I cry. I leave for work, I cry. I get in a fight with my boss, I bawl.
Day 5-Nate goes to work, I cry. Watch PS I love you, bawled my freakin' head off. Go to pick up Nate from work. On my way I almost run over a little pair of ducks, they're so cute, I cry because I almost ran them over. Nate gets in the car, I cry as I tell him that I almost ran the cute little ducks over.
Day 6- Nate kindly suggests that I stop taking the estrogen pills. He says it's not worth it. I love that sweet, caring guy, I cry.
Day 7- Learning to work through the pain of the cramps, I'm almost beginning to enjoy the pain as I cry.
Day 8- Only cried 3 times today. Made Nate cry (just kidding...).
Day 9- I'm pass the crying stage and on to the homicidal leg of my journey. Red hot hate and irritation pulses against my temples. List of things I hate: doctors, nurses, estrogen companies, bad drivers, fast food workers, my neighbors, the government, channel 13 news, washing dishes and my phone. I still love cute little ducks though.
Day 10- The end, I just need to push through one last day. Finish strong and try not to strangle my husband. One step at a time, one little positive step at a time. Smile Judd, just smile.
And that my BFF's is my steps back to womanhood as we all know it. It's not fun, it's not pretty and right now, it's not worth it.
This is me:
This is me on drugs: