Monday, April 27, 2009

The Legend of Full-o-Bull

A couple of weeks ago two of my siblings spent the night. We'll call them Wake at your own Risk and Full-o-Bull just so I don't embarrass anyone. Wake at your own Risk likes to sleep in so she snuggled down in a buffalo robe preparing for a nice Saturday sleep-in-day. Full-0-Bull likes to wake up at the bum crack of dawn, it's old hat to him now since he likes to go hunting early in the mornings.

Nate, who we'll call Ornery Buzzard, was on lookout for enemy scouts so he was gone that night but arrived at 7:30ish exhausted and ready to sleep for a few hours. As for me, you can call me Saucy Tang, I like to sleep in but I had a bunch of errands (gathering berries, getting the oil changed in the horse, making Ornery Buzzard a new loincloth) that needed to be done so I was planning to wake up about 8:00 or so.

I'm just setting up the story, remember a few key points:

-Ornery Buzzard had worked all night and was ready to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the tepee floor

-Full-o-Bull had been awake since 6:00 am

-Wake at your own Risk slept through the whole thing

-I went into the living room at about 8:15 or so to see if my siblings needed anything, you know, play a good hostess

The following conversation then commenced:

Full-o-Bull- You're water pressure sure isn't very good.

Saucy Tang- Oh, you took a shower already?

F-o-B- Yeah, I've been awake since 6 am.

ST- Did I have clean towels in the bathroom?

(short pause)

F-o-B- No, I just used one of the towels hanging up in there.

(long pause)

ST- Really? (Thinking to myself, "gross I haven't washed any of those towels in at least a week")

ST- Why didn't you come wake me up? I would given you a clean towel.

F-o-B- I didn't want to go in your bedroom, I didn't know what you and Ornery Buzzard might be doing.

ST- Sure that makes sense, he just barely staggered to bed but first let's fool around a little bit while my siblings are in the other room. I've got a little more class than that.

F-o-B- Well I didn't know.

ST- Out of curiosity, what towel did you you?

F-o-B- The brownish/tan one.

(Saucy Tang wrinkles her nose at the thought)

End of Conversation

The tan towel belongs to Ornery Buzzard. Ornery Buzzard is very clean and showers at least once and occasionally twice a day. Once Ornery Buzzard has cleaned every inch on his body he reaches for his towel and promptly dries every crevice on his body. If you need a visual please imagine his towel as a piece of floss and his tushy needing to be flossed. Nate likes to make sure everything is dry to the fullest extent. (End of visual). Ornery Buzzard had just happened to have taken two showers the day before so there was a week and 1 days worth of unwashed, flossing towel hanging on the bathroom rack.

I can just imaging Full-o-Bull turning off the shower, opening the curtain and reaching for the first towel he laid his eyes on. He reached out and snagged it off the rack and vigorously began to dry his face off. Perhaps he enjoyed the sent of the fabric softener I use, he makes a mental note to ask me where he can get a bottle of such good smelling stuff.
I would have told him it was called "Tushy Sweet with scent Guard."

Full-o-Bull, you nasty brother, you nasty!


Campbell said...

Saucy Tang STOP IT! STOP IT! My belly aches from laughing so hard! STOP wait...keep's so funny.

Colleen Marie said...

I'd guess names, since I'm pretty sure I could figure it out, but I'll keep quiet about it too.

Another teacher has four kids, who she has tried to convince: if you're clean, and you dry off, your towel is still clean. Use it for a week.

Then they go to gramma's house, and she says: Get a fresh towel every day. You never know which towel grandma has used to dry her butt.

Now the kids refuse to re-use a towel. Even if they were the only one to use it, and it's been in their room.

Also: wash your towels.

Ali said...

A HA HA HA HA!!!! That is great. I'm just imagining your husband floss his body with his towel. But I'm trying not to focus on the details too much because it's not right to think about another person's husband nekked fresh out of the shower.

On my mission, my "quasi-trainer"
told me that in one zone all the sisters were KNOWINGLY sharing the same towel, and one person had a yeast infection and then they ALL got it. It actually made me gag a little just to write that story.

So here's hoping your husband doesn't have a yeast infection, or your family member will be hating life.

hil said...

Ali, Ali, Ali. it make me laugh and cringe at the same time! that is the sickest story in the history of the world. followed closely by the legend of the tan towel. i hate doing laundry. we use our towels until they smell like our misson towels smelled. and it ain't good. i remember the first time i stayed at Haley and Nate's place. they were the most caring hosts ever. then i was warned not to use the "nakey blankey." that was the funniest thing i'd ever heard and loved Haley forever for being unembarrassed that they had a nakey blankey and that her new sis-in-law and bro-i-l knew about it. so awesome.

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

Ummmmm......are we related???
I think that's my siblings talking right there. God, I'm so sick of having to be the perfect one, lol!!
Aren't you??
Take good care and......

Steady On
Reggie Girl