Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I would like to write a letter to you to tell you Happy Birthday and now that you're 48 maybe you should realize that you're not the hottie you were 10 years ago. I would like to say that maybe you need to rethink this whole eternal bachelor thing and find some desperate girl to marry you because you're at an age that no one will want you. But all of those would be a lies, horrible, terrible lies. Like a fine wine you only get better with age.
In regards to your last letter to me, I'm flattered by your attentions but I think we both know that I would never leave Nate. Besides you know that I could never be with a man who's fabulous rear-end has been on the big screen for all women and gay men to enjoy. Or was that a stand-in bum? Either way, you missed your chance with me as I've told you numerous times before.
And yes, Nate is a lucky guy. I tell him that daily so he won't forget.
Please stop writing and calling, I am perfectly happy living in the ghetto, two blocks from the homeless shelter, across the street from one of the most profitable hooker corners in SLC, next door to a drug dealer and a 1/2 mile away from Weinerschnetzel. Life is too good right now to mess it up with the glamor of Hollywood.
I know you'll understand why I can't come to your birthday celebration. Please enjoy and let me wish you many happy returns.
Posted by Nate Judd at 9:10 AM