Friday, March 12, 2010

A History of Haley's Heart Throbs

As part of the teachings of my parents, I learned that you should never judge someone by their looks. I took this to heart as I began the life long road of crushes and true loves. The list may be long, and at times not pretty, but it's sure to be entertaining:

My first memorable attraction to the opposite sex would have to be the Prince of Thieves. I had no clue who Kevin Costner was, nor did I care. I was probably about 6 or 7 years old. This was the Robin Hood who could shoot me with an arrow anytime he wanted to.

Not bad for being so young and inexperienced...right?

My realistic crush: Kevin Blahblah, he had black hair and bright blue eyes. He never talked to me once, I think he hit me in the face with a ball during dodge ball. That's as good as talking to me. I remember in class (3rd grade) I was returning homework to desks. I kissed his paper.

I've told you of my Star Trek obsession. I believe that I also mentioned that I was attracted to Worf, or Michael Dorn as he's known in the "real" world. This was probably one of the longest/most unhealthy of my crushes. Actually, as I look back I'm beginning to see a pattern of the type of men I like. Tell me if you see it too.

Realistic crush: Colby Tyra, his tall hunched walk took my breath away. I loved him through middle school and my first year of high school. I heard a rumor that he liked me too when we were freshmen but I didn't know what the heck to do with a boy at that age so nothing came of it.

It seemed that for a short time I came to my senses and found love with a blue eyed, wrangler wearing guy named Brad Pitt.
My crush was short, mostly a fad because that's who everyone else liked at the time. But I liked to march to the beat of a different drum. I should have just followed the crowd since I didn't have a very good track record of my own.

Realistic Crush: Michael Russell. He was a year my junior but he was the varsity baseball teams catcher and I'm a sucker for a catcher. He was beautiful with blue eyes and nice teeth. He was also the cause of my most embarrassing high school moment. I'll tell you about it sometime.

This would be a crush of my own creation. Mr. Alex Rodriguez, the new up and coming "it" guy of the Seattle Mariners. I don't know if it was his eyes, his smile, or the way his booty filled out that baseball uniform but I was smitten through almost all my high school career and into my 18th year.
Never did a heart break as loudly as mine when my beloved was traded to the Rangers thence on to the Yankees where he lost his innocence.

Realistic Crush: During this time I had too many loves to list. They were short as my relationship commitment ADD kicked in. So from about age 18 to 21 I enjoyed a little fishing, but my fishing was purely catch and release.

Legolas, you hot little piece of Elvish booty! At 20 I found myself breathless every time I watched Lord of the Rings.
I had to figure out a way to make him mine. His heart wasn't likely to be given away very easily.
Fantasy is a cruel cruel world. Can I get an "amen" from the Twilight/Edward fans out there?

Realistic Crushes: After my mission/de-obbsession with Legolas, I decided to stick to the real guys and not get pulled the heartbreak of hollywood. The next few years I spent dancing, dating and dumping the long list of unworthy men who tried to catch my heart.

Then one day I found the guy who truly stole my heart. He wasn't like anyone I'd ever dated before. I fell for him hard and fast...

...and I think I made a good choice.


Ali said...

How do I hear you? Falling for Disney characters (mine was Prince Phillip) and then falling in love with ALL the wrong boys. Either falling in love with the most beautiful boy in school who didn't know my name and never even looked at me. Or trying to go for the "shy" guy who I would talk to, but ultimately let me know that I was a pathetic loser.

Seriously, My list is long and much MUCH sadder than yours. Not like I'm trying to one-up you or anything! I'm just letting you know that I hear you on the "fake" crushes and then the real live crushes that seem to be so much worse. Like a dodge ball to the face.

I am so happy to be done with that. (On a related story, my brother in law was driving with us in Provo several years ago and saw a sign for some sort of LDS speed dating monstrosity. He turns to my sister and says with all sincerity and a little pleading "Please don't ever die". So I guess I'm not the only one that fears dating)

hil said...

i think you made a good choice, too. i mean, just imagine if your poor children had Worf's (right?)awkward chin (forehead was too easy). you can't be with a guy who has a too-cool shortened name. A-Rod? what would Nate be called? N-Ju? that's strikingly close to "Ninja." hmmmm.

Colleen Marie said...

I vaguely remember you saying that A-rod wanted to meet his future wife in church, which was part of the attraction. Are you going to admit that you have your senior pictures with a giant number 3?

As for any boy from SWHS: what were you thinking? And I say that, hoping you don't drag my own foolish thoughts into the public light.

Athena said...

I think that you made a great choice, you dont want some rich, good looking jerk, who only cares about himself.

kanishk said...

you made a good choice
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gigi said...

Are you doing alright? Thinking about you and hoping things are good.

Athena said...