Monday, December 14, 2009

Phone conversation with my mom

Haley's phone rings:

Ring, ring, ring
Haley looks at her caller id it says "Folks." Haley thinks to herself "How nice, mom or dad are calling me."

Haley: Hello
Mom: Is Marshall there? (Marshall is Haley's brother)
Haley: No (In this moment Haley realizes that Mom probably called the wrong number).
Mom: (Weird pause) Um, do you know when he'll be around?
Haley: No.
Mom: (Longer, weirder pause) Do you know where he is?
Haley: He's probably in Provo mom, I have no idea where he is.
Mom: Who is this?
Haley: It's Haley...
Mom: (Sigh of relief and a short pause) Oh, I must have called the wrong number.
Haley: You were a little worried that a girl was picking up your baby boy's phone weren't you?
Mom: Yes, I was really concerned.

Blah, blah, blah we talk.

How the conversation should have gone had I paid more attention to my father growing up or if the naughty Judd humor had rubbed off on me:

Ring, ring, ring

Haley: Hello
Mom: Is Marshall there?
(Haley realizes that mom called the wrong number)
Haley: (Haley changes her tone to a breathy, sexy voice) Yes, he's getting out of the shower right now. His apartment has lovely water pressure...He told me to make myself comfortable on his bed.

And scene...I have many lovely scenarios in my head about how the rest of that phone conversation could have gone. None of those scenarios include a happy ending for my mom, Marshall or that naked blond waiting on Marshall's bed.

Nothing ruins a good Christmas season like a funeral, a brother in the hospital and a mom in prison.
Maybe it is a good thing that I wasn't that quick on the draw, maybe Christmas miracles really do happen.


Anonymous said...

Brunettes are more my style. But in the end, any pretty girl.

Provo Bro.

hil said...

who knows; that could have been the exact scenario going on at Marshall's. i see that Mar appreciates brunettes more than blondes, but as G.O.B. might say, "it all looks the same in the dark!"

Ali said...

I love hearing that other families have this problem too. Whenever I'm went to visit my sister in NY, my mom would call and confuse us ALL the time. I really don't think we sound that much alike!

My conversation with my mom would go like this:
(My phone rings because my mom is calling)
Me: Hello?
Mom: Hey Honey! How are you?
Me: Good
Mom: What's going on? Anything new?
Me: Oh man!! Yes! My Nursery kids are driving me crazy! There's this one boy that won't get off the stack of carpets. And another. . .
Mom: (cut's me off) Oh yeah? Great. Hey, I have to go now. But it was great talking to you.
Me: (confused at being cut off mid sentence by their mother. who called THEM) Ok. See you.

I mean, didn't she call ME? Why would she call if she had to get off the phone in 30 seconds? Or does she just not care about me? At least your mom cares.